The Effects of Communication on Children of Divorced Families Essays

RUNNING HEAD: The Effects of Communication on Children of Divorced Families. Term Paper The Effects of Communication on Children of Divorce Tonya Duran New Mexico State University-Carlsbad The effects of interpersonal communication skills between divorced or separated parents on children, is very important to most of society because most people have divorced parents or have family members that are. Everyone knows someone who has dealt with divorce in their family and it effects all children involved and people involved with those children. Unfortunately, it is an ever growing situation in the United States. It is important for the parents and all involved to communicate productively to help the children grow and have good communication skills themselves. The effects of communication barriers can be very detrimental to childrens social skills and their capabilities to function productively is many situations they may encounter later in life. When families are facing divorce or have decided divorce the situations before can already be hurting the child, but what comes after can affect them more. It is important for the parents involved to put their personal feelings aside and try to have a professional like relationship. It is hard enough for children to deal with divorce, the change of family living, way things are ran in the household, people living in the home or maybe even moving to new cities etc. There are a lot of changes that occur and it is very stressful for all involved but hardest normally on the children that are involved. Sometimes the situation before is not better and actually after the parents are divorced the relationships can prosper. Sometimes one parent becomes distant then the other or absent completely, but for the sake of the child it is most important for both parents to continue in the childs life and to keep the communications lines open. The communication between the parents and the children are very important for success of good relationships to continue. When there is bad communication it can cause on parent to become favored or bad mouthing the other the child which can lead the child resenting the parent that is saying bad things about the other parent. It also may affect the childs relationship with that parent that is being talked bad about. A child's relationship with his or her parents following a divorce is critical to the child's adjustment. Although the distress of not being with both parents is one of the most painful parts of divorce, it is the continuing relationship that children have with their parents that is essential to their long-term adjustment. This highlights the importance of not criticizing the other parent in front of the child (Foulkes-Jamison. 2001). Putting down or talking bad about the other parent is not healthy for the child. Children tend not to tell you when they are angry, resentful, confused, hurt or depressed. Instead, they reflect their problems through their behavior -- acting out or perhaps turning inward in ways that you have not experienced prior to the divorce.(Sedacca, 2012) The child can become angry, confrontational, depressed and can cause the child to become withdrawn. Many times when the parents do not communicate the kid is more affected then the parents even if they may not see it. The child may hide it from the parents and keep all the hurt inside. They may also try and use one parents against the other to get what they want. The parents will sometimes compete for the childs love and attention. They may use the style of competing I win, You lose. The competitive style involves great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others (DeVito, 2012). With this the parent is more concerned about winning and their own feelings or need to win then the childs feelings and needs. They just want to beat the other parent. It is a sad cycle that happens to often, where one just wants to win and doesnt care about those involved or the outcomes of their actions. It is important that the parents communicate to one another, about grades, school, doctors appointments, sports, friends, any problems they are having adjusting or just their changes in personality. One good idea